Monday, July 19, 2010

Off Topic But Stll Funny ...

George was a thoughtful husband. He wanted to give his wife something special for her birthday which was coming up soon. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he watched his wife turning back and forth and looking at herself in the mirror. "Reta," he said, "What would you like for your birthday?" His wife continued to look at herself and said, "I'd like to be six again." George knew just what to do. On the big day, he got up early and made his wife a bowl of Fruit Loops. Then he took her to an amusement park where they rode all the rides. Five hours later, Reta's stomach felt upside down and her head was reeling. Never the less, George took her to McDonald's and bought her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Next, it was a movie with popcorn, soda and her favorite candy. As Reta wobbled into the house that evening and flopped on the bed, George asked her, "Well, Dear, what was it like to be six again?" Reta looked up at him. Her expression changed. She said, "I meant my dress size!"

It has finally happened. The blondes of the world got together and have decided to take revenge on the brunettes: WHAT'S BLACK AND BLUE AND BROWN AND LAYING IN A DITCH? A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. WHAT DO YOU CALL GOING ON A BLIND DATE WITH A BRUNETTE? Brown-bagging it. WHAT'S THE REAL REASON A BRUNETTE KEEPS HER FIGURE? No one else wants it. WHY ARE SO MANY BLONDE JOKES ONE-LINERS? So brunettes can remember them. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BRUNETTE IN A ROOM FULL OF BLONDES? Invisible. WHAT'S A BRUNETTE'S MATING CALL? "Has the blonde left yet? " WHY DIDN'T INDIANS SCALP BRUNETTES? The hair from a buffalo's butt was more manageable. WHY IS THE BRUNETTE CONSIDERED AN EVIL COLOR? When was the last time you saw a blonde witch? WHAT DO BRUNETTES MISS MOST ABOUT A GREAT PARTY? The invitation WHAT DO YOU CALL A GOOD LOOKING MAN WITH A BRUNETTE? A hostage WHO MAKES BRAS FOR BRUNETTES? Fisher-Price WHY ARE BRUNETTES SO PROUD OF THEIR HAIR? It matches their mustache KNOW WHO INVENTED BLONDE JOKES? Brunettes, they had nothing better to do on Friday or Saturday nights

The Gas Men
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house, a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

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