Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Do's

Don't worry about coming first. The great thing about casual sex is it's selfish sex. So if you finish first and there's no time for him? Ah well.

Do set out terms early on. If you're hooking up with an ex or friend, make sure nobody wants to get back together or get serious. Emotional attachment and casual sex don't mix.

Do enjoy yourself. Total carnal pleasure is the whole point of commitment-free sex. So, as the song goes, 'put your back into it' and ditch your body hang-ups.

Do go back to yours instead of his. Big deal if your flatmate gives you evils in the morning for all that headboard banging. At least you were safe in your own home. And there's the comfort of having all your skincare and beauty products to hand. If you insist on staying at his, text a friend to tell them of your whereabouts.

Do be upfront about post-coital sleeping arrangements. Best to tell him you have an early conference rather than do a midnight bolt straight after getting horizontal. Even if he was that bad, it's still discourteous.

Do either carry condoms with you or have them close by in a bedside drawer. If you've met someone late at night pop to a condom-dispensing machine in the bar toilets or stop off at a 24-hour garage en route home.
Do dress for the part. Simple and sexy lingerie is a must. Perspex stripper pumps and pearl thongs for first-time sex are strictly for the professionals.

Do get yourself preened and primped. It's not about removing every iota of body hair (unless you really are Teenwolf); just having silky-smooth skin he can't get enough of.

Do dim the lights or light some candles. He'll still be able to see you naked, but in such beautiful lighting you'll forget about him noticing your flaws and unleash your inner sex goddess with ease.
Do show him a signature move. Give him your version of the backwards cowgirl or wheelbarrow for a night neither of you will forget.

Do tread the boards carefully when it comes to kinky stuff. So you want to tie him to the bed with your Alexander McQueen skull scarf? Better to ask first than risk him thinking his lucky night turned into a hostage situation.

Do praise him for the things he's doing right. And flash him a seductive smile when he reveals his manhood. This has nothing to do with forsaking the women's movement; it's about knowing how much effort he'll put in for such knockout compliments. You'll be smiling for days.

Do be kind if he loses momentum. For some men the pressure to perform like he's Dirk Diggler when there's a sexy naked lady like you next to him can be colossal.

Do choose your sexual playmate wisely. Players are in it for the same reason as you, so you can go after him without a guilt-trip. It's a loophole in the system; your licence to get sweaty with a bad boy you'd never date.

Do politely decline to go any further if you spot anything unsightly or worrying about his bits. Like bumps, rashes or a penis shaped like a swollen dart. He needs to see a doctor and you're too sassy to put your health at risk for a night of passion.

Do watch your words: specifically, telling him you 'love him' or blurting out another man's name as you climax. Once it's out there, it's too late. It's not as if you can say 'just kidding' afterwards.
Do run if he tells you he's just 'popping to the bathroom to get changed'. And comes out wearing a gimp suit.

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