Booty Call Rules

1 No holding hands. Keep hands to the crotch-el region.

#2 No spending the night.

#3 Fifteen minutes of cuddling max. But affection is generally discouraged beyond Aww, you are such a great fuck!

#4 Do not enter upon a fuck buddy arrangement or situation while drunk. There’s a difference between a one-night stand and a fuck buddy (yet another post). Although entering either drunk is not wise. God forbid there’s a beer-goggles situation. You don’t want to go to bed with Will Smith and wake up with Steve Urkel, do you? Besides, don’t you want to be sober enough to remember all the marvelous sex you had the night before?

#5 No toothbrushes. Refer to #2. There should be no ties at all, even if they cost only $2.49 and secretly you let your other fuck buddy use the same one.

#6 Don’t discuss anything real. No family history, no favorite colors, no goals, no personal triumphs or tragedies. If you want to keep it real, you have to stay light: movies, bands, and favorite brands of booze.

#7 He is not obligated to have sex with you while you’re having your period. Most nice boyfriends will, but fuck buddies have the option to pass. If he doesn’t mind, then cool.

#8 No sweetie, honey, schmoopie allowed. The only pillow-talk is fuck me harder, ride me bitch, or suck this big cock.

#9 No dinners, no movies, no quality timeâ of any sort. If you insist on going out at all, meet him at a bar for drinks no earlier than ten pm. The hour between nine and ten is the grey zone between when a real date starts and when itâ’s just a hook-up. So if you ever wonder why a guy asks you out for a date so late, it’s because he doesn’t want to have to go through the effort of buying you dinner and talking, he just wants to get to the good stuff.

#10 Two guys in twenty-four hours is fine, just be discreet.

So do have a f*ck buddy?